The first workshop I ever created is called Pro-active strategies. Here, we discuss four ways to be pro-active and aware - especially in tricky situations so we may respond versus react. The pro-active strategies include rapport, boundaries, guidelines, and flexibility. It is my belief that boundaries are the toughest for most people. Dr. Brené Brown found that the most compassionate people are also the most boundaried, that is they hold and have boundaries around what’s okay and what’s not. I love this. I talk about what’s workable and what’s not with respect to guidelines and they’re both getting at the same thing.
In my family of origin, boundaries were never discussed. The stated goal was to please others and I quickly understood the importance of this. One way to know if boundaries exist or not is to listen for questions or inquiries around - How do you feel about....? or What do you want to do? Boundaries allow for a response of "yes" or "no" and offer choice which supports an individual's voice - including their thoughts and feelings. Boundaries also elicit a strengthening of respect for a diversity of opinions and perspectives. My work involves supporting educators in creating learning spaces where holding and modelling boundaries help us practice self-care and model that for the learners we work with.
In areas of my life where I have set boundaries, I’m aware of a spacious calm. Like there is a relief in not forcing myself to feel or say something I don't believe or will diminish me. I don't always have boundaries, but more and more, I do. What a relief.
Let me know your thoughts about boundaries.
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